ANGER MANAGEMENT
“Anger
is the key that opens the door to all kinds of vices” – Imam Hassan Askari
(a.s)
A man
came out of his home to admire his new car. To his horror his little son was
happily hammering dents into the shiny paint. The man ran to his son, knocked
him away, and hammered the little boy’s hand into pulp as punishment. When the
father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Upon taking a
closer look, the man saw that his little boy had etched the words, “I LOVE YOU
DAD” on the car.
Although
the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to
amputate the fingers from both the boy’s hands. When the boy woke up from the
surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said “Dad, I’m sorry about
your car.” Then he asked, “But when are my fingers going to grow back?’
Harmful
effects of anger:
· Increases
frustration
· Prevents
one from finding a solution to the problem.
· Makes
one physically sick
· It’s
a cause for break in human relationships
· Anger
is responsible for one of the most depraved human behavior – child & wife
abuse.
Anger
Management:
· "And
if an evil suggestion comes to you from shaytan, then seek refuge in Allah, He
is hearing and knowing." (Qur'an 7:200) Therefore when one is angry he
should immediately say “`ûdhû billâhi min ash-shaytân ir rajîm”
· Do
wudu The holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) has said "Anger from shaytan, shaytan
from fire; fire is put out by water; so when angry do wudu"
· Change
body position. Our Prophet (peace and blessings be unto him) said, "If one
of you gets angry while standing, he should sit. If he is still angry, he
should lie down."
· Divert
attention away from the cause of anger and participate in strenuous physical
activity aiming at letting steam out and relaxing muscles
· Be
silent, don't speak. The Prophet (peace and blessings be unto him) said,
"Teach, simplify, don't complicate and if you get angry be silent
· Try
to pinpoint the exact reasons why you feel angry. Once you identified the
problem, consider coming up with different strategies on how to remedy the
situation.
· Forgive
& forget. Remember the rewards and virtues of patience, mercy, and
forgiveness. The Qur'an 42:47 speaks of forgiveness, "And those who avoid
major sins and immoralities and when angry they forgive."
The power of Patience
The
principles of any faith are found in patience and acceptance. However, we have
come to believe that patience is simply passively waiting. That definition is
mere laziness. Rather, faith is a direction that bears things with
resignations, yes, but above all, with steadfast and unrelenting sublime hope.
We must learn also to glance realistically at the world around us, begin to
accept things as they are, and maintain our conviction in the path we have
chosen for ourselves.
While
very few of us will contest the above, the line between theory and practice is
not always clear. Islam has recognized this discrepancy and subsequently
granted a great status to those who patiently persevere. In the Holy Qur'an,
Allah says to His servants that we shall all indeed be tested: "And be
patient and persevering, for Allah is with those who patiently persevere. (8:
46)
Verse 31
of chapter Muhammad reads: "And We shall try you until We test those among
you who strive their utmost and persevere in patience; and We shall try your
reported (mettle)."
What is
patience (Sabr)? Is it grieving the death of a loved one? Addressing
problems at home or at work? Maintaining the Islamic obligations such as Hijab,
prayers, and fasting? Being patient doesn't always entail some unfortunate
event occurring; simply being a believer requires a great amount of
patience. Sabr is not only about enduring a long wait; it is
also about enduring insults, provocation, and mistreatment without resentment,
anger, or bitterness. The Buddhist faith refers to patience as "the armor
that protects the compassionate person" from the verbal tirades of others.
In order
to truly become more patient individuals, we must have the impetus to begin
with ourselves, then move on to others. Agitation, fear, and complaints can all
lead us to become disillusioned with faith and even Islam. In his Forty
Hadiths, Imam Khomeini speaks of the direct link between patience and Taqwa (fear
of God). With regards to the link between patience and obedience, the book
gives us even greater insight, "Sabr in regard to obedience (Ita'at)
is the source of intimacy with God and His love. And Sabr in
misfortunes is the source of satisfaction (Rida) with Divine destiny and
decrees."
Learning
to accept minor irritations allows us to prepare to endure major ones. Those
who have mastered patience find even the greatest of sufferings tolerable with
the help of God. Patience has such a profound effect on our happiness, so how
can those who are upset and constantly complain be happy? Those with great
endurance are the peacemakers of the world, while those who are impatient are
the war makers. Almost all violence stems from anger, and patience often has
the power to neutralize it. The patience of man is right and laudable and most
certainly worthy of being considered among the greatest virtues.
Our
intrapersonal interactions with others can sometimes (okay, let's be honest,
most of the time) require a great amount of patience. Patience, therefore, is
respect for others. How can we expect others to accept our faults unless we are
willing to accept theirs? Through interactions with others, we come to define
ourselves also. If we act with kindness and understanding, that is who we
become. And when we act with impatience and anger, that's what we are. When we
commit to relationships with others, we also commit our patience. Impatience is
a divisive plague that ruins marriages, dissolves homes, and breaks hearts.
Those with forbearance do not simply throw away people or possessions because
they aren't as they imagined. Instead, they work towards a solution.
The most
difficult events, such as losing a family member, going through a divorce, or
unforeseen financial losses can truly test our faith. Instead of becoming
agitated and angry, we must remember what we still have and what Allah, the
Lord of the Worlds, has blessed us with. So often we forget to be thankful for
our good health, our family, and our faith. In the Holy Qur'an, we are told,
"Surely with difficulty is ease. With difficulty is surely ease." Our
ability to be patient during calamities reveals our purity and humbleness of
heart. We must overcome challenges with faith, logic, and determination. At the
same time, we must remember that we are never truly alone in our struggles.
"Surely Allah is with the patient." (8:46)
Patience
is a virtue which gives and also helps us gain. In Nahjul Balagha,
Imam Ali says: "The one who practices Patience will never be deprived of
success, even though it may take a long time." And the Holy Qur'an tells
us, "Give good news to the patient." (2:155)
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